


the delinquent squad

by Know_Your_Paradoxes



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: '&' Stands for Friendship In Tags, Actual Hell., Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hell, Hope's Peak, M/M, Memes, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-13 10:32:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10511964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Know_Your_Paradoxes/pseuds/Know_Your_Paradoxes
Summary: Akamatsu makes a group chat for her juvenile delinquent classmates. Things go awry. Toujou is a Mom Friend. Harukawa is also there trying to help. Hoshi is screaming. Send help.





	1. Ouma Kokichi has changed their own nickname to Me Me Big Boy

**\-- Akamatsu Kaede has added Saihara Shuuichi, Momota Kaito, Harukawa Maki, and 12 others to conversation Class 79 --**

* * *

 

 **Akamatsu Kaede:** hello, everybody! ｡^‿^｡

 **Yonaga Angie:** (*´∇｀*)  hello akamatsu-san!~

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** uh... hello?

  **Momota Kaito:** OH SHIT NICE

  **Toujou Kirumi:** This is nice, I suppose. Momota-kun, please refrain from using swears.

  **Ouma Kokichi:** fUCK SHIT THIS IS AWESOME DAMN SON

  **Toujou Kirumi:** You know what? Never mind.

  **Harukawa Maki:** ... I don't understand

* * *

 

  **Ouma Kokichi has changed Akamatsu Kaede's nickname to _DOUBLE D SHARP_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Saihara Shuuichi's nickname to _ahogay_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Harukawa Maki's nickname to _wine aunt_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Momota Kaito's nickname to _space idiot_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Yonaga Angie's nickname to** _**Elder Price** _

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Toujou Kirumi's nickname to _Mom Friend_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Gokuhara Gonta's nickname to _GARBAGE FLYBOY_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Amami Rantarou's nickname to _oh funk he's hot_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Shirogane Tsumugi's nickname to _Weeby Fuck_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Iruma Miu's nickname to _tiddy succ_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Hoshi Ryouma's nickname to _murder_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Chabashira Tenko's nickname to _fight me_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Shinguuji Korekiyo's nickname to _who the fuck_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed Yumeno Himiko's nickname to _a fairy_**

**Ouma Kokichi has changed their own nickname to _Me Me Big Boy_**

* * *

  **ahogay:** ...

 **ahogay:** why

  **oh funk he's hot:** w a it  you really think i'm hot what ??????

 **a fairy:** oumakun pls change the names back

 **Me Me Big Boy:** oh no guess its the fun police!!!!!!

  **Me Me Big Boy:** yknow i almost typed fuck police and honestly

  **ahogay:** i hate my life

  **DOUBLE D SHARP:** ouma-kun, please, would you mind changing our names back? (￣□￣)

 **Me Me Big Boy:** okAY MOM FINE JESUS

 **Elder Price:** actually, angie is totally okay with this name change!~ (◡‿◡✿)

 **DOUBLE D SHARP:** alright, who is fine with their names and who isn't, because then it's easier to know whose to change!

 **ahogay:** i'd prefer something else

  **Elder Price:** angie is alright!~ (▰∀◕)ﾉ

  **wine aunt:** ... While I don't understand the meaning of the name change, I'm strangely okay with it

  **space idiot:** I MEAN HES NOT WRONG

  **Mom Friend:** I am attached to this name, because it is nothing but the truth.

 **oh funk he's hot:** i am also strangely attached to this name as well

  **fight me:** Tenko doesnt actually hate this nickname

  **who the fuck:** Do you really have no idea who I am, Ouma-kun . . . ?

  **Me Me Big Boy:** CRYPTID #SPOTTED

  **who the fuck:** . . . Akamatsu-san, please change it back.

  **GARBAGE FLYBOY:** GONTA WILL ALLOW IT!

  **tiddy succ:** o yell heah im super dtf w this name

  **a fairy:** pls change my name back akamatsusan

  **murder:** ... I am eerily content with this name.

 **Weeby Fuck:** hOSHI-KUN WHAT TH E FUCK

  **Weeby Fuck:** anyway,,,, I'd prefer if you changed my name, Akamatsu-san!!!

  **Me Me Big Boy:** well fuck y'all too

  **Me Me Big Boy:** bunch of fun haters

* * *

**DOUBLE D SHARP has changed their own nickname to _Akamatsu Kaede_**

**Akamatsu Kaede has changed ahogay's nickname to _Saihara Shuuichi_**

**Akamatsu Kaede has changed who the fuck's nickname to _Shinguuji Korekiyo_**

**Akamatsu Kaede has changed a fairy's nickname to _Yumeno Himiko_**

**Akamatsu Kaede has changed Weeby Fuck's nickname to _Shirogane Tsumugi_**

* * *

  **Akamatsu Kaede:** alright, that should be everyone that said they wanted their names changed back!

  **Me Me Big Boy:** here comes the salt king oh shit waddup

 **Me Me Big Boy:** all fun-haters hail

  **murder:** As much as I hate fun, I'm actually going to have to agree with Ouma here. He didn't mean to offend anyone.

  **oh funk he's hot:** yeah i agree!! he was just having fun

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** ... he could have put it in more appealing terms than using sexuality as a slur against me

 **Me Me Big** **Boy:**  liSTEN THO

  **Me Me Big Boy:** hOO BOY ARE yALL IN FOR A bIG surPRISE

 **Me Me Big Boy:** I.... AM A GAY.....

  **oh funk he's hot:** *gestures to username you gave me*

  **oh funk he's hot:** i would've never guessed

  **Shirogane Tsumugi:** ,,,,congratulations i guess??

  **space idiot:** NICE CONGRATS

  **oh funk he's hot:** nonononono this doesn't mean that ouma and i are together or anything !!!!!!!

  **Me Me Big Boy:** yeah

  **Me Me Big Boy:** i mean we could be if you wanted

  **Saihara Shuuichi:** ... i'm not sure i need to be here for this

  **Akamatsu Kaede:** if you're uncomfy, saihara-kun, just let me know and i can add some rules to the group chat! ｡^‿^｡

  **Saihara Shuuichi:** no it's alright, i was just a little put off i guess?

  **oh funk he's hot:** sorry saihara !!

  **murder:** If you guys need me, I'll be outside on the court. I'd look forward to seeing one of you play in a match against me.

  **space idiot:** THAT SOUNDS REALLY FUN ACTUALLY HOLY SHIT

  **wine aunt:** ... Isn't it 3 in the morning

  **Mom Friend:** I've found that it's easier to let things happen as of late.


	2. Momota Kaito: IM IN THE CAPS LOCK TOO DEEP NOW

**\-- Akamatsu Kaede has added Saihara Shuuichi and Momota Kaito to conversation Secret --**

* * *

  **Akamatsu Kaede:** i'm sure you're wondering why i added you both to a random group chat buuuuuuuut

 **Akamatsu Kaede:** a little bird told me that there's something that you two need to discuss, so i decided that i should be the one to help out! ｡^‿^｡

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** ... um i don't think that there's anything me and Momota-kun need to talk about?

 **Momota Kaito:**  YEAH I MEAN THERES NOT MUCH

  **Saihara Shuuichi:** by "not much" i'm assuming that you mean "nothing at all"

  **Akamatsu Kaede:** regardless, i'm going to be heading offline now! have fun you guys!

* * *

\--  **Akamatsu Kaede has left the conversation! --**

* * *

 **Momota Kaito:** NOT SURE WHAT THE HELL SHE THINKS SHES DOING BUT OKAY

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** do you really have to type in capital letters all the time

 **Momota Kaito:** ITS GONE TOO FAR NOW SAIHARA-KUN

 **Momota Kaito:** IM IN THE CAPS LOCK TOO DEEP NOW

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i suppose it adds character

 **Momota Kaito:** YOURE DAMN RIGHT IT ADDS CHARACTER

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** well is there anything we need to talk about?

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** and who's the little bird that told Akamatsu-san that you and i needed to discuss?

 **Momota Kaito:** WOULDNT BE SURPRISED IF IT WAS HARUMAKI

 **Momota Kaito:** SHE SEEMS THE TYPE TO WANT TO CAUSE A RUCKUS

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** you would know, wouldn't you

 **Momota Kaito:** WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** you and Harukawa-san are good friends, are you not?

 **Momota Kaito:** ACTUALLY WE DONT TALK THAT MUCH

 **Momota Kaito:** NOT SURE WHERE YOU ALL GET THE IMPRESSION THAT WERE FRIENDS FROM

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** you and Harukawa-san were raised in proximity to each other i thought

 **Momota Kaito:** WELL YEAH BUT NOT EVERYONE THAT GROWS UP WITH EACH OTHER STAYS FRIENDS FOREVER

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** well i just always assumed that you and her were friends and that you had feelings for her

 **Momota Kaito:** OH HELL NO

 **Momota Kaito:** NO OFFENSE TO HARUMAKI BUT I WOULDNT WANT TO BE HER BOYFRIEND IF WE WERE THE ONLY SURVIVING MEMBERS OF THE APOCALYPSE AND WE HAD TO SAVE THE HUMAN RACE

 **Momota Kaito:** SHES BEAUTIFUL SURE BUT IM PRETTY SURE SHE HATES ME

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** ah, but you called her beautiful

 **Momota Kaito:** I CAN APPRECIATE THE AESTHETIC SHE HAS AROUND HER CANT I

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i'm deeply sorry, i just thought that you two were close

 **Momota Kaito:** NO WORRIES

 **Momota Kaito:** BUT WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT IT

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** it's nothing

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** nothing important, anyways

 **Momota Kaito:** SO AKAMATSU-SAN KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT WHEN SHE WANTED US TO PRIVATE CHAT WITH EACH OTHER, HUH

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i still have no idea what Akamatsu-san was trying to do

 **Momota Kaito:** WELL YOU SEEM TO HAVE SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND SAIHARA-KUN

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** no, no, don't get the wrong impression

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i said that i didn't have anything to say

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** it's not important

 **Momota Kaito:** SAIHARA-KUN I KNOW YOU AND I KNOW THAT WHENEVER YOU SAY ITS NOT IMPORTANT IT USUALLY IS

 **Momota Kaito:** SO TELL ME WHATS WRONG

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i figured it was obvious from the way i got defensive about talking about Harukawa-san

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i still have no idea how Akamatsu-san figured me out

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** and i really want to know who exactly told her about it to give her this information

 **Momota Kaito:** WELL CMON SPIT IT OUT

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** the truth is that i like you, alright?

 **Momota Kaito:** OH WELL I LIKE YOU TOO

 **Momota Kaito:** WERE BEST FRIENDS RIGHT

 **Momota Kaito:** WOULDNT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE IF WE DIDNT

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** a different form of "like", Momota-kun

 **Momota Kaito:** WHAT

 **Momota Kaito:** I DONT GET IT

 **Momota Kaito:** I DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE TRYING TO GET AT

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** the reason i asked about Harukawa-san was because i wanted to know if you were single

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i genuinely thought that you two were dating

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** and i got... jealous

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i like you, Momota-kun

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** a lot

 **Momota Kaito:** OH

 **Momota Kaito:** UH FUCK GIMME A SECOND

 **Momota Kaito:** There figured out how to turn off caps lock for a little while at least

 **Momota Kaito:** Kinda like it though

 **Momota Kaito:** It might stick around

 **Momota Kaito:** Anyway why didnt you tell me

 **Momota Kaito:** Were best friends why wouldnt I want to know that

 **Momota Kaito:** This doesnt change the way that I see you

 **Momota Kaito:** Its just something that I didnt know about someone that I really care about

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** really?

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i was really worried that you weren't going to take this well

 **Momota Kaito:** Like I said were best friends Saihara-kun

 **Momota Kaito:** Admitting that you have feelings for someone doesnt change that

 **Momota Kaito:** Doesnt matter if youre gay bisexual asexual pansexual or any other kind of sexuality

 **Momota Kaito:** Doesnt matter if you have a crush on Harumaki Amami-kun or even me

 **Momota Kaito:** The fact of the matter is that youre still the same person regardless

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** ...you're right, Momota-kun

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i am the same

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** nothing has changed about me since we became friends

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** thank you for being so approving

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i suppose i was just never used to that before

 **Momota Kaito:** There

 **Momota Kaito:** Thats the same dude I fell in love with

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** wait what?

 **Momota Kaito:** Hehe

 **Momota Kaito:** Figured Id surprise you too

 **Momota Kaito:** Since I wasnt expecting a confession or anything

 **Momota Kaito:** Surprise I like you too

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** wow, i...

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i don't know what to say...

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** so what does this mean?

 **Momota Kaito:** Whatever you want it to mean

 **Momota Kaito:** We could be best friends still

 **Momota Kaito:** Boyfriends

 **Momota Kaito:** Soulmates

 **Momota Kaito:** Anything you want us to be we can be

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** ...boyfriends sounds like a good start

 **Momota Kaito:** Then boyfriends it is

 **Momota Kaito:** Im so pumped I might have to switch back to caps lock

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** do it. it matches your personality well

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** loud, bold, confident, and amazing

 **Momota Kaito:** Youre amazing too Saihara-kun

 **Momota Kaito:** You know that right

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** ...

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** i suppose, but i'm not using caps lock with you

 **Momota Kaito:** That must be the next level of our relationship then

 **Momota Kaito:** ITS SETTLED

 **Momota Kaito:** OPERATION GET BOYFRIEND TO USE CAPS LOCK AS WELL IS A GO

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** you're so cute, you know that?

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** <3

 **Momota Kaito:** HOLY FUCK YOU JUST USED AN EMOJI

 **Momota Kaito:** THIS IS A BIG STEP IN OUR RELATIONSHIP SAIHARA-KUN

 **Saihara Shuuichi:** please, Momota-kun... call me Shuuichi

 **Momota Kaito:** WHAT THE FUCK STOP BEING SO PRECIOUS IM YELLING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus:
> 
> \-- Saihara Shuuichi changed their nickname to Kaito's Star --  
> \-- Momota Kaito changed their nickname to Shuuichi's Assistant --
> 
> \-- Akamatsu Kaede has re-entered the conversation! --
> 
> Akamatsu Kaede: is it gay in here or is it just me?  
> Shuuichi's Assistant: I DONT HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT  
> Kaito's Star: yeah, Akamatsu-san, Kaito and i are the most heterosexual beings in the entire school


	3. Kiibo: You are all terrible people and the police are on their way right now.

**Shuuichi's Assistant:** WHERE THE HELL HAS KIIBO BEEN DURING THIS ENTIRE ORDEAL

 **Kiibo:** I've been trying to rest to recuperate after all the messages I've been receiving.

 **Kiibo:** To no avail.

 **Kiibo:** You could just let a robot sleep in peace but no.

 **Kiibo:** You instead choose to let me have restless nights of constant pinging in my ears.

 **Kiibo:** I have half a mind to leave the chat entirely.

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** NO DONT DO THAT KIIBS WE LOVE YOU

 **Kiibo:** I appreciate it, but won't Saihara-kun be upset?

 **Kaito's Star:** will i be what now?

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** BABE IM JUST TRYING TO GET KIIBS TO PARTICIPATE IN CONVERSATION

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** ALSO THIS IS COMPLETELY PLATONIC LOVE KIIBS

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** THE ROMANTIC STUFF IS SAVED FOR SHUUICHI

 **Kaito's Star:** ...

 **Kaito's Star:** you can't see it, but i'm blushing

 **Kiibo:** You both are very adorable.

 **Kiibo:** You remind me of myself and Gokuhara-kun.

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** WAIT WHAT YOU AND GOKUHARA ARE A THING

 **Kiibo:** I thought that I had made that clear.

 **Kaito's Star:** i had a suspicion

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** AND YET YOU REFUSED TO LET ME KNOW ABOUT YOUR HUNCH

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** IM YOUR ASSISTANT DETECTIVE DUDE

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** WHAT THE SHIT

 **Kaito's Star:** it's not my business to tell other people about the private lives of others

 **Kaito's Star:** plus i had just assumed that you had heard gokuhara-kun speaking about his partner before

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** UM PROOF???????????????

 **Kaito's Star:** GARBAGE FLYBOY - GONTA IS SO HAPPY!!! GONTA COULD EXPLODE WITH JOY!!! GONTA HAS ACQUIRED A PARTNER!!!

 **Kaito's Star:** GARBAGE FLYBOY - KIIBO AND GONTA ARE VERY HAPPY TOGETHER!!!

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** ...

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** READ 4:19 PM

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** OH FUCK IT JUST CHANGED TO 4:20 FUCKIN BLAZE IT

 **Kaito's Star:** Kaito

 **Kaito's Star:** why are you celebrating this without Amami-kun

 **oh funk he's hot:** dID SOMEONE SAY 420

 **Kaito's Star:** nevermind

 **tiddy succ:** 2 TO THE 1 FROM THE 1 TO THE 3 I LIKE GOOD *redacted* AND I LIKE GOOD TREES SMOKE SOME LIT WEED YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE AND I GET MORE ASS THAN A TOILET SEAT

 **Kiibo:** You are all terrible people and the police are on their way right now.

 **tiddy succ:** did u dial 911 into the microwave again kiiboy

 **Kiibo:** I will say this again -- I still have no idea why you believe that I would ever dial that number into a microwave.

 **oh funk he's hot:** is that a police???? i'm calling the weed

 **Kiibo:** This is why we can't have nice things.


	4. Me Me Big Boy: AWWWW YEAH GET SPOOPY

**GARBAGE FLYBOY:** GONTA IS VERY EXCITED FOR HALLOWEEN!!!!!!

 **Kiibo:** Me too, Gokuhara-kun. I can't wait to go together in our costumes.

 **Kiibo:** Although I do not fully understand why children get dressed in costumes and beg other people for candy.

 **Kiibo:** Can't their parents just buy them candy?

 **oh funk he's hot:** kiibo you sweet summer child

 **Kiibo:** Actually, I was created on October 29th.

 **GARBAGE FLYBOY:** YEAH!!!!! GONTA THREW A PARTY AND EVERYTHING!!!!!

 **oh funk he's hot:** when were y'all planning on telling me

 **Kiibo:** We did tell you. Both Saihara-kun and Gokuhara-kun sent you messages.

 **Kiibo:** We just assumed that you were busy when you didn't reply.

 **oh funk he's hot:** since when the fuck have i ever been busy

 **GARBAGE FLYBOY:** GONTA DIDN'T WANT TO BE A BOTHER!!!!!!!

 **oh funk he's hot:** you two are the purest couple ever never change

 **Shinguuji Korekiyo:** . . . I am inclined to agree.

 **Me Me Big Boy:** no one asked you bondage boy

 **Shinguuji Korekiyo:** !

 **oh funk he's hot:** jESUS CHRIST OUMA

 **fight me:** Shinguuji-kun found dead in Miami

 **murder:** What the fuck is a Miami.

 **Me Me Big Boy:** hoshi-chan,,,,,,, did you just make a joke,,

 **murder:** Believe it or not, I do have a sense of humor.

 **Me Me Big Boy:** the real cryptid was hoshi-chan all along,,,,,,

 **murder:** I regret chiming in on this conversation immediately.

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** HOSHI NO WAIT COME BACK WE LOVE YOU

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** YOU KILLED HIM

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** ARE YOU HAPPY

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** A RENOWNED TENNIS PLAYER IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU

 **fight me:** Momota-kun what the fuck

 **Me Me Big Boy:** anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **Me Me Big Boy:**  AWWWW YEAH GET SPOOPY

 **oh funk he's hot:** what are you going as ouma

 **Me Me Big Boy:** a sexy business man

 **Me Me Big Boy:** i found my costume on amazon and i'm ready to make some people nut

 **oh funk he's hot:** i'm gonna be an avocado

 **Me Me Big Boy:** whAT HTE UFKC

 **Me Me Big Boy:** aMAMI-CHAN I'M WHEEZIGN

 **oh funk he's hot:** a sexy avocado

 **tiddy succ:** guacamole

 **oh funk he's hot:** precisely

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** SHUUICHI AND I ARE GOING AS LUKE SKYWALKER AND HAN SOLO

 **Kaito's Star:** i still personally haven't watched Star Wars but i'm excited to learn with you, Kaito  <3

 **tiddy succ:** ew affection gross

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** DONT HATE US CAUSE YOURE SINGLE

 **tiddy succ:** i im not single

 **tiddy succ:** i have so many side hoes

 **tiddy succ:** u have no idea

 **Me Me Big Boy:** what costume are you and your side piece going as then iruma-chan

 **tiddy succ:** uhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **tiddy succ:** halloween is a social construct

 **Mom Friend:** If you're not keen on going, you can always join me in not celebrating the holiday.

 **Mom Friend:** I'm not particularly fond of candy, myself.

 **tiddy succ:** i

 **tiddy succ:** im

 **tiddy succ:** uh

 **tiddy succ:** s sure

 **oh funk he's hot:** iruma.exe has stopped responding

* * *

\-- **Ouma Kokichi** has started a Private Message with **Iruma Miu**! --

 **Ouma Kokichi:** oh my god you have a crush on toujou-chan don't you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus:
> 
> Akamatsu Kaede: shirogane-san, what are you going as?~  
> Shirogane Tsumugi: i have so many costumes that itd be a shock if i went as myself


	5. Elder Price: (◡‿◡✿)

**Akamatsu Kaede:** Happy Thankgiving everyone!!!

 **Me Me Big Boy:** you do realize we're not americans right

 **murder:** What do we have to be thankful for?

 **Mom Friend:** Precisely. Many native cultures died over the course of America's imperialistic run in their conquests over the entire North American continent and the so-called New World.

 **Mom Friend:** ...Plus turkey is terribly hard to prepare, and thus usually ends up being dry and unsavory.

 **Me Me Big Boy:** kids could you lighten up a little

 **Akamatsu Kaede:** well I say we should still list some things we're thankful for in the spirit of being together and being good friends!! ｡^‿^｡

 **Akamatsu Kaede:** @everyone  let's all say what we're thankful for, one person at a time!

 **Me Me Big Boy:** yeah because this will work

 **Me Me Big Boy:** we're not all ungrateful hedonistic douche canoes waiting to take over the group chat like wolves that haven't seen meat in 13 and a half days

 **murder:** That's an... oddly specific metaphor, Ouma.

 **oh funk he's hot:** i heard the words "hedonistic douche canoe" and figured it was my time to shine

 **Me Me Big Boy:** i've summoned him............

 **Me Me Big Boy:** it's him......... rantarou hope's peak

 **oh funk he's hot:** KSJGHJGHSJGHSGK

 **Akamatsu Kaede:** I'll start then, I guess!!

 **Akamatsu Kaede:** I'm thankful for my awesome class of amazing SHSLs! without you guys I'd be really sad and lonely!!! so thank you for being my friends!!!

 **Kaito's Star:** i'm thankful for being able to meet Momota-kun, and for my supportive friends

 **Kaito's Star:** without you all, i would be in a very depressing state

 **Kaito's Star:** and without a cute and loyal boyfriend too

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** IM THANKFUL THAT SHUUICHI LIKES ME BACK

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** SOMETIMES I STILL DONT REALLY THINK ITS REAL LIKE ITS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** AND IM THANKFUL THAT YOURE ALL GOOD FRIENDS OF MINE

 **Shuuichi's Assistant:** I WOULD HUG YOU ALL IF I COULD RIGHT NOW

 **wine aunt:** I am thankful that I haven't felt the urge to kill any of you yet

 **Elder Price:** angie is thankful that she doesn't have to slap anyone today!

 **Elder Price:**  (◡‿◡✿)

 **Mom Friend:** ...I suppose that I am grateful for the company and companionship you all have shown me.

 **Mom Friend:** And all the experiences I have had with you all as classmates, friends, and clients.

 **GARBAGE FLYBOY:** GONTA IS THANKFUL THAT KIIBO-KUN IS HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER!!!

 **GARBAGE FLYBOY:** AND GONTA IS ALSO THANKFUL THAT GONTA CAN LEARN TO BECOME A TRUE GENTLEMAN WITH HIS FRIENDS!

 **oh funk he's hot:** i... i'm grateful that i can have friends that don't care whether or not i've got talent at all or if my talent ends up being stupid like shsl existing human

 **oh funk he's hot:** so... thank you all for that

 **Shirogane Tsumugi:** I'm grateful that I get to do what I love and love what I do and help out my friends and classmates whenever I can!!!!

 **Shirogane Tsumugi:** it really means a lot to me that I can do things I care about!!

 **tiddy succ:** im thankful for dank weed n dank memes

 **tiddy succ:** and i guess the fact that i have friends thatre willing to put up w my bullshit

 **murder:** I'm thankful for those of you that have given me another chance despite my shortcomings as a person and a SHSL student. You've given me another shot at living.

 **murder:** I won't squander it, I promise.

 **fight me:** TENKO IS THANKFUL FOR BEAUTIFUL GIRLS AND BEING ABLE TO TALK TO HER FRIENDS

 **fight me:** AND ALSO FOR THE FACT THAT SOME OF THE MEN IN THIS CLASS AREN'T DEGENERATES

 **fight me:** TENKO THINKS SHE CAN WORK WITH YOU ALL AND GROW AS A PERSON

 **fight me:** Tenko doesnt remember when she set her caps lock but she believes it might have something to do with momota kun

 **Yumeno Himiko:** i guess im thankful for the gift of magic that ive been given n the friends ive made with it

 **Yumeno Himiko:** mages r powerful beings n im grateful to have the chance to wield a fraction of their powers

 **Shinguuji Korekiyo:** . . . I am thankful for the opportunity to see humanity and its evergrowing beauty blossom within you all.

 **Kiibo:** I am thankful for the friends I have made! You all have made me feel comfortable as myself, and I cannot thank you enough for that!

 **Kiibo:** Being different is confusing and frightening, but you all have been welcoming and I am so grateful for you all.

 **Me Me Big Boy:** .........guess i'm left huh

 **Me Me Big Boy:** i'm thankful that we don't have to eat any turkey

 **Me Me Big Boy:** noah fence but it tastes like someone took a boring 9 to 5 office job and compacted it into a white meat

 **murder:** An oddly fitting description.

 **Mom Friend:** But if anyone wants to taste what REAL turkey is supposed to be, you all are invited to stop by my dorm room and have a slice.

 **Me Me Big Boy:** you had me at hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus:
> 
> Shirogane Tsumugi: I don't understand what the big deal about turkey is anyway, I think it's pretty good..  
> Me Me Big Boy: i mean you would  
> Me Me Big Boy: miss "vanilla stay back normies has no kinks or fetishes turkey is good and doesn't taste like dilbert's necktie fell into a vat of tasteless gray liquid that makes anything you eat resemble the void and then crawled onto a plate"  
> Shirogane Tsumugi: ... Ouma Kokichi found dead in Miami in thrEE GODDAMN MINUTES YOU BETTER RUN  
> Me Me Big Boy: oH FUCK


	6. candy cane murder: It's festive.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For recap:
> 
> * Akamatsu Kaede - Kaede  
> * oh funk he's hot - Rantarou  
> * murder - Ryouma  
> * Mom Friend - Kirumi  
> * Elder Price - Angie  
> * fight me - Tenko  
> * Shinguuji Korekiyo - Korekiyo  
> * tiddy succ - Miu  
> * GARBAGE FLYBOY - Gonta  
> * Me Me Big Boy - Kokichi  
> * Shuuichi's Assistant - Kaito  
> * Shirogane Tsumugi - Tsumugi  
> * Kiibo - Kiibo  
> * Kaito's Star - Shuuichi  
> * wine aunt - Maki  
> * Yumeno Himiko - Himiko

**GARBAGE FLYBOY:** HO HO HO!

 **GARBAGE FLYBOY:** MERRY CHRISTMAS! GONTA IS SO GLAD THAT HE CAN CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAYS WITH HIS FRIENDS!

 **Akamatsu Kaede:** oh yeah! I forgot it was Christmas time! (*≧▽≦)

 **Elder Price:** angie suggests we all change our nicknames to be holiday themed!~ (∩_∩)

 **Akamatsu Kaede:** that's a great idea, Angie-san!~

 **Shinguuji Korekiyo:** . . . I second the motion.

* * *

**Akamatsu Kaede** has changed their own nickname to  **Kaede of the Bells**

 **Elder Price** has changed their own nickname to  **Herald Angie Sings**

 **GARBAGE FLYBOY** has changed their own nickname to  **REINDEER GAMES**

 **Kaito's Star** has changed their own nickname to **holmesfortheholidays**

 **Shuuichi's Assistant** has changed their own nickname to  **Holiday Star**

 **Shinguuji Korekiyo** has changed their own nickname to **Scrooge**

 **Kiibo** has changed their own nickname to  **Festive Kiibo**

 **Me Me Big Boy** has changed their own nickname to **jingle my bells**

 **tiddy succ** has changed their own nickname to  **merry chrysler**

 **oh funk he's hot** has changed their own nickname to  **mistle-hoe**

 **Yumeno Himiko** has changed their own nickname to  **Christmas Magic**

 **murder** has changed their own nickname to  **candy cane murder**

 **wine aunt** has changed their own nickname to  **eggnog aunt**

 **Mom Friend** has changed their own nickname to  **Maid of Cheer**

 **fight me** has changed their own nickname to  **Cookie Crusher**

 **Shirogane Tsumugi** has changed their own nickname to  **Snowmugi**

* * *

**candy cane murder:** It's festive.

 **jingle my bells:** wow kiibo real original there

 **Festive Kiibo:** What? It's true? I am festive, and I am Kiibo.

 **mistle-hoe:** if anyone needs me i'll be hanging from the rafters for two people to kiss under

 **Holiday Star:** I WONT NEED TO HAVE ANY MISTLETOE TO KISS WHO I WANT TO KISS THIS YEAR

 **holmesfortheholidays:** nobody can see it right now, but i'm blushing

 **Maid of Cheer:** Oh, if you want me to hang mistletoe around the dormitories in the spirit of Christmas, please let me know! I'd be happy to help!

 **merry chrysler:** the only mistletoe i need is right in front of your door toujou

 **Maid of Cheer:** I don't understand what you mean, but if you'd like me to hang mistletoe there, then so be it.

 **jingle my bells:** i see the whole flirting thing is working out real nice for you iruma-chan

 **merry chrysler:** i aLMOST CHOKED ON MY HOT COCOA YOU PURPLE GREMLIN

 **jingle my bells:** well then you shouldnt have told me about ur crush

 **eggnog aunt:** ...I don't understand what's going on here

 **Herald Angie Sings:** angie thinks it's simple!! (︶ω︶)

 **Herald Angie Sings:** angie thinks that iruma-san has a crush on toujou-san!! ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧

 **Maid of Cheer:** Is this true?

 **merry chrysler:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **merry chrysler:** ive gotta go wash my nose and powder my dog

\--  **merry chrysler** is offline! --

 **Maid of Cheer:** Does Iruma-san even have a dog?

 **candy cane murder:** No, and if she did, my cat would know.

 **mistle-hoe:** waitwaitiwaitwaitwiatiatiaitia hoshi-kun you have a cat

 **candy cane murder:** Yes. His name is Reno.

 **candy cane murder:** Based off the lyrics "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die."

 **mistle-hoe:** cool name based on murder

 **mistle-hoe:** may

 **mistle-hoe:** may i visit your murder cat sometime

 **candy cane murder:** I don't know. I'll ask him.

 **Holiday Star:** WHAT THE FUCK I WANT TO MEET YOUR CAT TOO HOSHI-KUN

 **Holiday Star:** THIS IS RIGGED

 **holmesfortheholidays:** what if we got a cat, Kaito

 **Holiday Star:** ARE YOU SERIOUS

 **Holiday Star:** AREYOUSERIOUSOHMYGOD

 **holmesfortheholidays:** ...i forgot i was going to keep it a secret until Christmas day

 **Holiday Star:** I LOVE YOU SO FUKCING MUCH

 **holmesfortheholidays:** i love you too, Kaito  <3

 **Holiday Star:** GOD BLESS US EVERYONE

 **Holiday Star:** ITS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

 **holmesfortheholidays:** I LOVE YOU, KAITO MOMOTA!  <3

 **Holiday Star:** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IT GOT BETTER

 **Holiday Star:** SANTA CAME EARLY THIS YEAR

 **Holiday Star:** OPERATION GET BOYFRIEND TO USE CAPSLOCK IS A COMPLETE SUCCESS

 **Maid of Cheer:** I still don't know if Iruma-san has feelings for me, however!

 **candy cane murder:** Real talk, Toujou-san? Even though we've never really seen eye-to-eye on anything?

 **candy cane murder:**  You should ask her yourself.

 **candy cane murder:** Even if you don't feel the same way as she does, it doesn't hurt to know for certain.

 **Maid of Cheer:** ...

 **Maid of Cheer:** Thank you, Hoshi-kun. That was... oddly poignant.

 **candy cane murder:** You're welcome. Happy holidays.

* * *

\--  **Toujou Kirumi** has started a private conversation with  **Iruma Miu**! --

 **Toujou Kirumi:** Iruma-san?

 **Iruma Miu:** w what

 **Toujou Kirumi:** I know that you probably don't want to see me right now, after what happened in the chat.

 **Toujou Kirumi:** But I want you to know that I do care about you. Even if it's not a romantic love yet, I still care for you.

 **Toujou Kirumi:** And my offer of mistletoe at my front door still stands, if you wish it to be there.

 **Iruma Miu:** i

 **Iruma Miu:** i would like that

 **Iruma Miu:** thanks toujou-san

 **Toujou Kirumi:** You can call me Kirumi if you'd like.

 

 

 **Iruma Miu:** check your front door

 **Toujou Kirumi:** Why? What's there?

 **Iruma Miu:** youll see

* * *

**Toujou Kirumi:** "Iruma-san? You're here! Hello. Um, I'm deeply sorry to have made you so embarrassed in the chat today."

 **Iruma Miu:** "Doesn't matter. Do you have that mistletoe?"

 **Toujou Kirumi:** "I do, somewhere in my room. Why do you ask?"

 **Iruma Miu:** "Well, the offer still stands, right? And I'm at your door..."

 **Toujou Kirumi:** "O-Oh! I see! Yes, give me a second to go get it!"

...

 **Toujou Kirumi:** "Here it is! U-Um... let me just hang it right here."

 **Iruma Miu:** "It's beautiful."

 **Toujou Kirumi:** "Yes indeed."

 **Iruma Miu:** "I feel like I'm supposed to follow tradition now, though, right?"

 **Toujou Kirumi:**  "I-I suppose!"

 **Iruma Miu:** "May I have a kiss, Toujou-san?"

 **Toujou Kirumi:** "...You may."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus:
> 
> merry chrysler: itS CHRIMSAS  
> jingle my bells: you and toujou-chan kissed didnt you  
> merry chrysler: sTOP SNITCHIN MOTHERFUCKER


	7. gremlin: Who changed my fucking name again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a really small lil thing to get me back in the writing spirit

**Kaede of the Bells:** it has come to my attention that we haven't changed our names in a long time!!!

 **Holiday Star:** SHIT YEAH YOURE RIGHT

 **Kaede of the Bells:** okay!!! give me a second and I'll give everyone the power to change their own nicknames!~

 **jingle my bells:** you have given me too much power on this day, akamatsu kaede

 **Kaede of the Bells:** you can only change YOUR OWN NAME, Ouma-kun!!!

 **jingle my bells:** that's still the power to write whatever i fucking want

 **jingle my bells:** are you sure you want that on your conscience

 **merry chrysler:** what the hell are you even gonna write jackass

* * *

 **jingle my bells** (Ouma Kokichi) has changed their own nickname to  **thug seme**

 **merry chrysler** (Iruma Miu)has changed their own nickname to  **mega milk**

 **mistle-hoe**  (Amami Rantarou) has changed their own nickname to  **fresh avocado**

 **Kaede of the Bells**  (Akamatsu Kaede) has changed their own nickname to  **Claire de Lune**

 **Holiday Star**  (Momota Kaito) has changed their own nickname to **Shuuichi's Partner**

 **holmesfortheholidays**  (Saihara Shuuichi) has changed their own nickname to **Kaito's Supernova**

 **Herald Angie Sings**  (Yonaga Angie) has changed their own nickname to  **Hozier**

 **REINDEER GAMES**  (Gokuhara Gonta) has changed their own nickname to  **Kiibo's Upgrade**

 **Scrooge**  (Shinguuji Korekiyo) has changed their own nickname to  **Shinguuji**

 **Festive Kiibo** (Kiibo) has changed their own nickname to **Gonta's Butterfly**

 **Christmas Magic** (Yumeno Himiko) has changed their own nickname to  **level 10 wizard**

 **eggnog aunt** (Harukawa Maki) has changed their own nickname to  **why am i still here**

 **Maid of Cheer** (Toujou Kirumi) has changed their own nickname to  **Maid for Miu**

 **Cookie Crusher** (Chabashira Tenko) has changed their own nickname to  **KILLER QUEEN**

 **Snowmugi** (Shirogane Tsumugi) has changed their own nickname to  **Otaku of the Nerds**

****

* * *

**Claire de Lune:** that's everybody, right??

 **thug seme:** nope!!!!~

 **Claire de Lune:** oh no!!!! who did I forget?! (￣□￣)

 **thug seme:** you'll see, akamatsu-chan

* * *

 **thug seme** (Ouma Kokichi) has changed  **candy cane murder** 's (Hoshi Ryouma) nickname to  **gremlin**

* * *

 **gremlin:** Who changed my fucking name again?

 **thug seme:** quick question remind me what you named your cat again, hoshi-chan

 **gremlin:** Reno.

 **thug seme:** oh yeah because you idolized a sONG ABOUT STRAIGHT-UP MURDER

 **gremlin:** Yeah? And? I'll gladly idolize murder again if it means getting my name back to a respectable level.

 **thug seme:** ...........................fair

 **Claire de Lune:** Hoshi-kun, I'm so sorry that Ouma-kun keeps changing your name like that!!!!!

 **gremlin:** Nah, it's cool.

 **gremlin:** I mean, it would've been more out of character for him not to have, right?

 **thug seme:** oh!!!!!!! like a wild card

 **gremlin:** Fuck, I just gave him an idea.

 **thug seme:** WILD CARD BITCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS


End file.
